Now that took balls

After a night of heavy drinking, a 31 year old man returned to his gated apartment complex and looked forward to sleeping off his inebriation. As he approached the mechanical gate he realized he did not have his access key.

'No problem', he thought. 'I'll just climb over the six foot metal fence and head for my apartment.' It doesn't take an engineering degree to figure out the spear-head tips are meant to discourage people from climbing upon them. As he prepared to scale the fence, he forgot to consider (3) very important factors:

1. Alcohol consumption impairs balance and agility.
2. Baggy shorts are not ideal for fence climbing.
3. Testicles are fragile and defenseless in the 'straddle' position.

As most you have already guessed, this stunt ended very badly. He made it to the top of the fence but as he attempted to swing one leg over to the other side, he lost his balance and fell. His baggy shorts were snagged and ripped by the pointed fence tip. To his despair, the shorts were not the only thing ripped during the fall. He staggered home, changed into a pair of less bloody underwear, and went to bed.

Twelve hours later, his mother came to check on him after several phone calls to him went unanswered. She found son on the couch unable to move due to the incredible pain. The fire department was summoned and inspected the wound. Fearing post traumatic stress syndrome, I chose not to look at the injury. The firefighter described it as "His nutsack is ripped open, like a filet, and his testicles are falling out."

The guy's mother believed he was the victim of some kind of knife attack from a sexual partner. He insisted the only attacker was the iron fence. His shorts appeared to confirm his version: