Last week my squad spent our shift down at the academy for our annual shooting qualification. I am happy to report I scored a 240 out of 250 points which was enough to earn the designation 'expert shooter'.
When I was a police recruit in the academy, I became a certified user of the expandable baton. This small telescoping metal rod is carried in a pouch on the belt and extends into 21 inches of terrifying automobile radio antenna. Once in the open position, you're lucky if it's not bent by the soft tissue of the target being struck. These things are notoriously ineffective and but are heralded for their portability and low cost.
Time to bring out the big boy equipment. After qualifying on the shooting range, my squad attended a side-handle baton certification class. The main difference between this and the fencing foil above is that it actually works. Not only is it physically powerful but psychologically intimidating. After a few hours learning the proper protocal (try not to smash skulls, puncture groins, sever spines, or pulverize kidneys), we put these things to work on the padded punching bags. After seeing the damage these things inflicted on the dummy bags, I could only think of one thing to say to would-be actively aggressive criminals: