Help Needed

I was dispatched to an apartment where a woman claimed she was hallucinating and hearing voices. A crisis team from a mental care facility was being sent and they wanted an officer to stand by in case the person became agitated. I knocked on the door and was let in by a size 30 woman wearing a size 8 nightgown. It was too short to cover her thighs and had a plunging neckline leaving little to the imagination. Her skin was pale white and her short blonde hair unwashed. She asked me to come in and started walking toward the bathroom. My prayer was soon answered when she put on a large silk robe covering most of her body.

She told me she was hearing voices and to back her claim, began talking with several other people I couldn't see. "You can't see him because he's talking to me from California -the L.A. area. I don't know how he does it; I'm computer illiterate and am not connected to the internet." We had several moments of uncomfortable silence interspersed with nonsensical conversation.

I was advised over the radio the crisis team would arrive in about 15 minutes. What seemed like days later, the team showed up along with my sergeant who was in the area and stopped in to monitor the situation. After conducting a short interview, the team determined it was best to take the woman to the hospital. They had worked with her before and told me she had a history of getting agressive so they requested I stay with them and drive her to the hospital.

They asked her to get dressed. "I'm not changing with that man in my house!!", she started yelling. "Tell him to get out!!" My sergeant calmly informed her I wasn't going anywhere and that she could change in the bathroom. To give her even more privacy, I moved to the kitchen where I had no view into the rest of the apartment. She kept demanding I leave, calling me "Saddam Hussein, the Clan, Aryan Brother, Hugh Heffner and George Bush." Then, her verbal outburst escalated, "FINE!! Let him see me then!!" A large pair of purple underwear sailed across the room and hit the wall of the kitchen. I knew what was coming next.

"You want some of this!!!??? C'mon, baby!!! GET SOME!! YEAH!! Here you go COP!! Look at me, look at this, come and get it!" Fully naked and shaking the second story apartment with a thunderous hopping, the woman ran to the kitchen dancing, gyrating, and juggling her breasts with her hands. As much as I wanted to witness the freak show, I directed my gaze to the floor and could only see her in my peripheral vision. My sergeant (also a woman) stopped her from coming into the kitchen (prayer #2 answered) and talked her into getting dressed.

I escorted her to my patrol car and placed her in the backseat. She politely and calmly talked to me, herself, and several other people on the way to the hospital.

Cable Guy:
A man called police claiming he was stranded on the roof of his house. Earlier, the cable guy had placed a ladder against the house and was on the roof installing cable. The homeowner climbed up the ladder and began pestering the cable technician about the job he was doing. Needing some peace and quiet to finish the job, the technician climbed down to the ground and then removed the ladder (leaving the homeowner on the roof). He then went inside the house and finished the installation job. The homeowner was furious about being left high and dry for an hour while the cable guy worked inside his house.