Don't Drink and Walk
We all know about the dangers of drinking and driving but trying to walk while totally inebriated can be perilous as well. A woman called police after her 55 year old male roommate had too much to drink and fell down while trying to walk in the kitchen. His fall was broken by the back of his head shattering the glass front of the oven door. Then, he walked barefoot over the shards of glass to the living room to sit is his Lazyboy.
We arrived to find him deliriously drunk watching T.V. His normally white hair was now pink from the bloody gash. The blood was soaking in the headrest of his chair and his feet were all cut up. He was oblivious to our presence for a few minutes and then started ranting some unintellibible monolog. We had the fire department check him out in case he needed stitches. They cleaned up the wound while we hid the rest of his beer.
Another danger of drinking too much -thinking it's okay to masturbate in public. My partner and I arrived at a burglary call where a house-sitter saw a man in the backyard of the house. We drove around to the alley behind the house which had a short chain-link fence around it. It was windy and I thought I saw a newspaper swirling around near the ground behind some tall grass. As I approached I realized there was a drunk transient lying on his back with a porno magazine held on his chest. He had spread a blanket out on the ground right next to the see-through fence. He was turning the pages with one hand and tugging on something else with his other. I yelled, "Hey, what are you doing?!!" He replied, "Watching T.V. and slowly started pulling up his shorts with his right hand while continuing to look at the magazine. "You can't do that out here", I said. "Why??" was his reply. The owner of the house was his aunt and he told us she let him "hang out" in her backyard. He was arrested for trespassing and indecent exposure.