Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Fight For Your Right........to PARTY

This guy must have been a fan of the 80's song from the Beastie Boys. He and a male friend spent the day drinking in his small Social Security funded apartment. His large shirtless friend ran out of the apartment with the 12 pack of beer under his arm. This guy was outraged and ran after him holding a gallon jug of cheap wine and wearing only a pair of whitey-tightie underwear.

A fist fight in the middle of the street ensued with both males slugging it out for possession of the alcohol. We broke up the fight and had both guys sit down and cool off while we checked their records for outstanding warrants. The two sweaty sloppy-drunk males sat on the ground gasping for breath.

I learned a few things that night from this guy:
1. Getting your teeth knocked out is worth a 12 pack of Natural Light Ice beer (in cans).
2. Don't try to steal beer from a guy who looks like a character from Lord of The Rings
3. It's possible for underwear to have 'skid marks' in the front.

The guys agreed to go their separate ways and I made the following deal with the guy above: Go home and change into some clean underwear to avoid jail. He gathered up his beer and quickly marched back to his apartment across the street. His friend agreed to clean up the broken glass wine jug and he, too, was sent walking.

I came across a new level of extra-sensory perception the other day. A call was sent to my patrol car computer of a car accident that read:

Caller believes cars have crashed outside his house -he only heard the collision. It's a red SUV and a white Volvo.

I had no idea some humans had developed a sense of hearing so acute, they can distinguish the number, type and color of vehicles based on the sound of their crashing.


At September 04, 2007 9:04 PM, Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Skid marks in the front of his underwear?!

I am disgusted and amazed.

At September 05, 2007 4:44 AM, Blogger Craig D said...

Dude, I can hear the colors.

It's... it's... to-o-o-tally ama-a-a-a-azing!

At September 05, 2007 9:19 AM, Blogger *Goddess* said...

Lord of the Rings? Hell, he looks like he should be in that GEICO caveman show...

At September 05, 2007 10:18 AM, Blogger Thomas said...

I just about crapped myself because I was laughing so hard.
That would have been one monster skid mark down the back.

I know there have been days I would have killed for natural light or the jug wine.
Which reminds me, I think my Best friend stole my jug of wine.

At September 10, 2007 4:55 PM, Blogger Loving Annie said...

Great e.s.p. indeed...

Skid marks on the front of his underwear ? Augggggggh. THAT was avisual I didn't need !


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