Love Thy Neighbor, and, Thank you, 'Sir'.
A man called 911 and reported, "I just hit someone over the head with a bottle and he's bleeding real bad-send someone quick."
I arrived at the house to find a very drunk 40 year old male standing in the front yard of his house. I asked him what happened but he was unwilling to tell me anything. He kept saying, "I don't know." I asked him why he called 911 and he just looked at me and shrugged.
Then a large bald man came staggering from around the back side of his house. His head was smeared with blood and I could see a large gash on the back of his head. Chunks of coagulated blood were clinging to his shirt sleeves like spilled red pudding. I couldn't tell if his confused stupor was the result of too many beers or the head injury. "What happened?", I asked. "Nothing, why are you here?", he replied. I told him to look at his blood smeared hands, bloody shirt and oozing head wound. He kept wiping his head with his hands and acted surprised to see his fingers dripping with blood. The fire department arrived and began treating him at the scene.
Then the story came out: Bloody man came over to his neighbor's house for a night of companionship. There's nothing like a few cases of beer and a backyard shack to bring neighbors together. After both men were good and hammered, one decided he could no longer keep his true feelings for his friend a secret and declared his love for him. The recipient of this adoration was not pleased and told him he was not interested. When loverboy touched him on the leg and whispered, "I care for you, man." he could take no more and smashed a large wine bottle over the back of his head. The romantic mood was ruined as the pool of blood gushing from his head pooled on the floor and became an instant snack for the litter of underfed puppies cohabitating in the shack. Luckily, this was not a homicide, for the evidence was quickly disposed of by a half dozen puppy tongues.
The bottle wielding party pooper was placed in custody but soon released after the victim refused to press charges. They say love is blind and I guess that's true (especially when one's eyes are saturated with the stinging of salty blood). The guy thought it was perfectly acceptable to smash someone's skull in for making an unwanted romantic gesture. I tried to explain that physical force is only legally justified when defending against a harmful attack (not a loving one).
I returned to the victim to check on his progress with the paramedics. As he sat in a lawn chair with a mile of gauze wrapped around his bloody head, he gazed wantingly at a firefighter and and said, "Hey, Baby. How are you tonight?"
I guess it will take more than a smashed skull to teach this guy not to come onto other men without first checking on their sexual orientation.
THANK YOU, 'SIR'
While eating with my squadmates at a local cajun restaurant, I spotted former NBA All-Star Charles "Sir Charles" Barkly dining with his beautiful wife and another couple. One of the guys on my squad walked by their table and said hello on his way to the restroom. Our appetites were well sated by the delicious gumbo, jumbalya, red beans and rice, pulled-pork po' boy sandwiches, and chicken wings. We got our cash and credit cards ready as the waitress approached. "No need, officers. Charles Barkley already paid for your tab." Sir Charles had already left so we were unable to give him a proper thanks. I always liked this guy and believe his title of 'Sir' is well deserved.