Sunday, January 28, 2007

But...

"But, officer, I only drank four beers."
"Yes, but you told me they were 20 ounce beers, and you're 4 feet 11 inches tall.

"But, I'm moving to Europe in a few months and am having my car shipped there. Why do I have to renew my registration now?"
"Because your registration expired over 3 years ago and you are required to keep it current as long as you drive."

"But, she was speeding. I could tell she was driving way too fast. She ran into me when I turned left in front of her. It's her fault."
"If you could see her car was speeding towards you, why did you turn in front of it?"

"But, I'm on my way to church." (holds up Bible for me to see)
"You are required to have a valid driver license and proof of insurance while operating a motor vehicle regardless of where you are driving to."

"But, I had to drive. I'm the least drunk of all of us."
"Have you ever heard of taxi cabs?"

"But, I only parked in this handicapped space for a few minutes while I ran in to get coffee. Plus, my dad is disabled."
"Do you have a disabled parking permit?"
"My dad has it."
"Is your dad with you now?"
"No, he's at home."

"But, I didn't know the bike was stolen."
"How much did you pay for it?"
"$40"
"How much do you think it's actually worth?"
"About $1,500."
"Do you think the stranger you bought it from was being really generous?"
"Well, I thought it was probably stolen, but I didn't know it was stolen."

"But, I'm not a legal U.S. citizen so the Motor Vehicle Department will not issue me a driver's license. What am I supposed to do?"
"Not drive."

"But, I didn't know these DVD's were pirated. I am just reselling a bunch of movies I bought at the swap meet."
"Let's see, 'Eragon', 'Night at the Museum', 'Blood Diamond' -these are all still in theaters, right?"
"I think so."

"But, I want you to arrest him?"
"For what?"
"For slander; He called me an asshole and told me to get off his property."
"It's not a crime to call someone names. And, you should get off his property."

"But, you can't seize all that money; It's mine."
"Where did you get it?"
"From selling drugs, I told you."

"But, why are you arresting me?"
"For driving under the influence and for possession of cocaine."
"But, the cocaine isn't all for me. I was just bringing it to a party where a bunch of us were going to use it."

12 Comments:

At January 28, 2007 2:25 PM, Anonymous gamma said...

But Officer.....Do you ever get to stop any "reasonably normal" people? Just curious.

 
At January 28, 2007 4:13 PM, Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"But, why are you arresting me?"
"For driving under the influence and for possession of cocaine."
"But, the cocaine isn't all for me. I was just bringing it to a party where a bunch of us were going to use it."

LMAO! Now don't tell me that you arrested such a generous and thoughtful gentleman.

 
At January 28, 2007 4:45 PM, Blogger *Goddess* said...

Awwww stupidity;) Gives us all a laugh.

 
At January 28, 2007 6:05 PM, Blogger Brandon said...

LOL, that last statement's the best of all.

 
At January 28, 2007 8:46 PM, Blogger Thomas said...

My buddy who is a criminal defense attorney nearly crawled under the table when his client told a federal judge that "HE WAS NOT HIGH ON POT BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN DOING COCAINE AND DIDN'T LIKE TO MIX THE TWO."

Some defense strategies are best left unsaid.

TV

 
At January 29, 2007 5:14 PM, Blogger Meander said...

LOL these are great! thanks for the laughs...

 
At January 29, 2007 6:43 PM, Blogger Ambulance Driver said...

"But, the cocaine isn't all for me. I was just bringing it to a party where a bunch of us were going to use it."

I dearly hope you gave the Candyman a police escort to the party. ;)

 
At January 29, 2007 8:00 PM, Blogger Paul F. said...

Cocaine blows.

 
At January 30, 2007 8:55 PM, Blogger Dirk_Star said...

I laughed my butt off!

My wife is in the Insurance business and you should hear some of the stories she has to tell.

People try to get away with the most stupid of things...

 
At February 02, 2007 9:20 AM, Blogger Wizened Wizard said...

Love it. Reminds me of the time I hired a parolee.

I spent time talking with his parole officer and was convinced that the potential hire had indeed seen the error of his ways and that a job would be something he would value and try to succeed at.

A couple weeks later, the new hire's brother darkened the door of my office and proceeded to rant and scream obscenities, the gist of which was that I should give him a job because I had hired his brother, and (in this guy's words), "He's a bigger fucking crook than me!"

And these folks probably think they're smart!

 
At February 05, 2007 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/


Howie

 
At February 07, 2007 9:35 AM, Blogger Logan said...

This is good stuff dude! I like your blog.

 

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